January 19, 2012, Thursday,

It’s raining. I’ve never felt this peaceful since after the first trimester of my 4th year High School life. I still haven’t studied though, but that’s not the point. I’ve been reading The Perks of Being a Wallflower again the whole afternoon. Maybe it’s just Charlie’s writing taking effect on me, but I really am feeling peaceful tonight. I hate over-worrying myself for the littlest things. The day didn’t start to well I think. It could have started well. I just chose not to by over-thinking myself up to the point of doubting my own existence. 

I was that stubborn and annoyed at myself this past afternoon until I remembered a faint memory. I didn’t actually remember the memory itself. It’s the feeling that I felt at that moment. I used to feel this sense of content every time I go to school in High School. Although everything was laid out, I never really thought of it as boring. I had my own troubles then, but it felt different. Every trouble I have now is a pain in the neck, but back then, I really didn’t care as much. 

It’s weird when I remembered that feeling of content on the jeepride to school. Not caring whether you fail an exam. How I wish I could feel that right now. I really didn’t worry about exams back then. Heck, our section hardly even studied for real. Our definition of study might as well be the given five minutes before we take a quiz, and did we complain? No, we were entirely okay with spending the entire lunch break talking. There were times when we really studied, but we occasionally try to ask each other questions that end up to us laughing. 

Now, I have to give time for real studying, and real studying was never a thing for me. Memorization and stuff, this was all sidelines in High School. We hardly memorize; because, one run down of the lesson was enough for us to learn. That’s learning. This, reading a book from cover to cover is not learning. I really don’t get why we need to memorize things for an exam. If you really listened, you wouldn’t worry, but then again, I also don’t listen to lessons now too. Times have changed. 

I’m still having second thoughts whether I should study for tomorrow. Maybe I’ll just finish this book and let Charlie decide for me. 

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